...if I'm honest

“…if I’m honest I would say this week has been the worst week of my life!”

So why wouldn’t I be honest?

I’m a Christian, it’s what I am called to do and be, even if my sinful nature makes me fallible like everyone else. The bible is full of verses that clearly outline God’s expectation of man.

Proverbs 12:22
The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.

So why then have I not been honest this week? Why have I not told others about the events that have made this week so dreadful for me?

Maybe because when asked “How are you?” I know that most of the time, the question requires a simple, non complicated answer. An answer that doesn’t really require any kind of engagement or connection. Certainly no interaction with the information shared.

“How are you?” needs a straightforward “I’m great thanks!”

Honesty however requires a confidence on the part of the person sharing, that the recipient will be in a place where they are able to absorb, accept and reflect back the information in a helpful way. The sharing of honesty also needs to include trust, for the recipient to be non judgmental and compassionate. Unless these factors are in place how honest do we each feel we can be?

Honesty is also a way of laying yourself open and bare. Sharing yourself in ways that others may find shocking, disappointing or just different. To be any of these things can need constant explanation and justification, if not exclusion can be the outcome.

Culture and society is all about inclusion and being accepted – so again, where does honesty take us?

To a place where others may feel uneasy with us or in our presence? Or maybe placing ourselves open to scorn, contention or exclusion.

I want to be honest.

Opening my heart feels like the most natural thing in the world. It feels freeing, refreshing and liberating but I’m also aware of the situation it creates.

So perhaps honesty includes the sense of protecting others as well as ourselves?

Protecting each from unwanted and perhaps painful experiences.

I have wanted to be completely honest this week but my potential for pain and compassion stops me just short.

All I can pray is that with time I can prepare myself and others for my honesty and that I still have time to delight God.