...revealing

“I‘ve never told anyone that before…”

I was watching a film recently and the phrase above was spoken and it made my body shiver.

I would say I’m quite a concealed, undemonstrative person. I believe I’m quite aware of myself and the impact of my actions but rarely have others come into my life that I feel know and can see the real me, no matter what I do and say.

So it's refreshing to be myself, without any pretention; in fact it’s a complete relief. The sense that I can let my guard down and be accepted completely as I am, even if everything is not perfect. Until recently I would say that I had 'pretended', covered maybe 80% of the time and it still even shocks me that I could and would not let the real me be revealed.

I think I am quite different from my parents, so maybe my early years are responsible for the hidden personality. I know that I sought quite stark answers early in my life, to deep questions that my parents found uncomfortable to answer, about life and about God. My parents still find it uncomfortable being direct, they find it difficult to step out of average middle England, let alone enabling me to experience the real and living God as a pre-teenage child. The world beyond our shores or those colonies which started in Britain still remain scary places for my parents, even in today’s shrinking global community. This all makes me challenge everything more, not just to be difficult but just to gain answers.

As we each explore the unknown how do we cope with answers that challenge who and what we are? I love thinking about who, what and why I am…I know that often there are no answers and that is OK but occasionally I just want a simple, straight forward mind and body absorbing answer and experience.

Something that fulfils and gratifies…

As a Christian I know that I don’t need to tell God everything, because what I am is what God created. God knows me and accepts me but relationship is key to how God created me. Knowing¸being and supporting others and knowing being and allowing others to experience the real me... is what God requires.

We are created to worship God in all situations and to be in relationship with others. It is only then that “… the wall starts to come down”