...self discovery

It’s been a weird couple of days for me – experiencing huge elation fuelled by self discovery, alongside deep lows fuelled equally by the opposite scale of self discovery. The assumption is that the emotion one would feel is of equilibrium…neither elated nor in despair, however the reality felt quite different.

It reminded me of a physical journey taken recently. My co traveller had a mobile application that enabled us to find all the planets and stars that were above us in the night sky. As we travelled we had been discussing our knowledge of constellations and what could be seen when and where above us within our hemisphere.

Needless to say our knowledge was quite basic but our desire to feel and see beyond ourselves was genuinely acute. As we shared we learnt and once the mobile application was passed around, what had once seemed complicated, mysterious and hidden became glaringly obvious.

Often life can be like this. Something that was once mysterious, exotic or exciting can tip the scales to the opposite extreme. The object of our desire hasn’t changed but our view has shifted or perhaps despite the clarity – we chose to put a smokescreen in the way.

With knowledge can come the desire to explore further or maybe this is replaced by the fear of what might be found and uncovered, within ourselves. The exploration or withdrawal sensation we experience depends on how open we each are to recognise and acknowledge new experiences and the sense of moving forward.

Like taking a journey along a particular path – we cannot forget the scenery along the way or how we had enjoyed the view. It cannot be erased or forgotten but what it should do is inform us about the errors we may have made along the route and equally what we enjoyed.

So back to my wonderful view of the constellations…

I now know where to see the orange glow of Mars in the night sky and where Venus – the brightest star can be seen. I’m a better star gazer as a result and can now look to extend my knowledge and experiences further.

Going back is not an option…

I can equally say that Jesus came to move man forward and to keep moving us forward. Otherwise as Christians we would still be completely bound by the laws of The Old Testament. However as with the only assurity in our lives – that we each are born to die, we also know that Jesus came to save us and will one day come again. Jesus lived a life that moved Him forward, from a baby born as a King and deliverer, to a King who many could not see and accept due to the smokescreens they had/have put in the way.

So my journey of self discovery continues…

I am in this place because of all that has gone before, as are those whose lives I have touched. Looking back is not an option, who we are is what we have experienced and God can turn any and all of this into His desires.