...the something of nothing

Can having nothing really exist?

The fact that we are alive means we have life, therefore it is impossible to have nothing.

Yet often as I lose ‘things’ I feel like I am left with nothing. Nothingness is a void, a space previously filled with something. So nothing feels like a vacuum, like an airless container imploding and collapsing inwards.

But all of this sounds negative, self obsessed and completely not where I am at or coming from.

Biblically Jesus asked his disciples and many others mentioned throughout the Gospels to follow him after giving up all they had acquired in life. This was not only physical objects but relationships too. How hard is that? Some much of what we have and what we do defines who we are. So maybe that’s why Jesus required his disciples to give up everything. Maybe the Disciples needed to lose what & who they were to re-write who they would become? Throughout the Gospels we also know that the Disciples had trouble “getting it” and so Jesus needed them to be really focused – no distractions required.

The same is true for me. Without ‘things’ I am free, having nothing can be releasing but it does require humility. Whether I choose to free myself from the baggage of life or whether life frees me from my worldliness, it takes adjustment and a change of heart. And sometimes I struggle with that.

I’m at a place now where I can or maybe should give some ‘things’ up and in other ways life has taken ‘things’ from me. The only solution for me is to go to God empty handed but with a humble, open and expectant heart. Expectant that through life’s experiences and through whatever comes, the something shapes me into the person God requires.

God is focusing me…I have my blank canvas again and can fill it easily but will the marks I make be of God or man? All too often it is easy to fill the silence when a conversation goes quiet, or to fill an empty room with objects or to feel the need to complete every empty box on a form. But isn’t there something in the silence, the space, the nothingness?

I’m ending just as I started, because we have life, nothingness is impossible. Our God given being is ‘something’ but to remain God focused perhaps I need to be careful about the marks on my otherwise stripped back canvas and enjoy creating the something, that can never be nothing.

...arking

“There’s a time and a place” so the phrase goes…

For God, it came after many times of forgiveness and repeatedly allowing mankind time and again to repent .God gave the people of Noah's time 120 years to prepare for God's judgment and repent of their sin and rebellion toward God. During this time of grace only Noah and his family obeyed, repented, and were saved.

Genesis 6:3

Then the LORD said, "My Spirit shall not strive with man forever, because he also is flesh; nevertheless his days shall be one hundred and twenty years”.

The purpose of the Flood was to destroy all civilization and start over again.

The Ark enabled God to start again with mankind. Noah withdrew into the Ark with important stuff around him, so that when he stepped out into the world again he was ready to live & create anew.

Sometimes I feel like I need to withdraw into my Ark. To protect myself, to hide from the storms of life and to gather around me, all that is important.  My Ark needs to be a place where I can be vulnerable and where I can regenerate my body, mind and spirit so I’m better equipped to rejoin the world.

So what do I need to surround myself with in my ark? What is important to me and what enables me to feel me?

Now my ark will be more about creating an ambience that allows me to re-emerge. My ark is a moment to take stock and evaluate what makes me who I am and what I need to keep or discard.

My ark needs to feel like a warm, secure and bright place – almost too bright for me to see within and serenely quiet. Not silent but with a sound that connects deep inside of me.

I feel the desire to look upwards and physically touch & hold all that is important.

In that space I’m able to be creative, emotionally & physically in touch with myself and vulnerable. I want to enjoy experiences with fresh excitement every time,  I want to feel a fountain explode inside of me for the people I love and connect with and I want to see, smile and be inspired by even the small things. I want to giggle like I’m being tickled all the time, I want the air to make me tingle and feel alive and I want to spin and fall backwards knowing that something as soft as a cloud or someone as strong as hurricane will catch me. 

Creating my ark, even in words feels so real for me…and enables me to let go of the things that are stopping me starting anew and just being me. So for now I’m arking and I’ll venture out when I’m ready…  

                                                                                                             “If I lay here…

If I just lay here…

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?”

...all cried out

...journeying

So yesterday’s blog got me thinking about colour, light and rainbows. The un-expectation of a Rainbow brings such a sense of delight, hope and of course reaffirms the spiritual – promise of a world that God would never again destroy.

However despite the overwhelming sense of optimism that a rainbow brings; the cessation of rain in the face of sun, positive legend around hope found at the end of a rainbow and the pure joy of seeing the full colour spectrum displayed across the sky – the sense that reaching or touching the rainbow is unattainable always feels disappointing to me.

So, maybe the rainbow is a visual representation of man’s constant strive to reach perfection – Utopia, Heaven…with the reality that the journey to get there, is important in even hoping that the acquisition is a possibility.

In our society journeys are always pitched as part of the whole, an experience to enjoy, it’s not all about the destination. A Winnebago holiday travelling from East to West across the USA, a trip on the Orient Express through Europe or perhaps a cruise around the Caribbean. The arrival is less important than experiencing the journey. The journey itself being a life changing experience.

However for some of the world’s poorest people journeys are absolutely about the final destination. Journeys are often undertaken as a result of necessity – hunger, flood, earthquake, destruction and/or disorder. The end of the journey signals a haven, where food, medicine and relative safety can be found.

So I recognise that whatever my life is like, I am actually privileged enough to be in a position to absorb, learn and ‘enjoy’ my life experience. That the rainbow is something I am unable to grasp but the joy experienced in trying to attain and live the journey is really important to me.

Many biblical stories are about God revealing himself to and within us during the journey. Moses’ meeting with God through the burning bush in the desert and Paul’s many missionary journeys where the good news of Jesus was shared and Paul set up the Christian church across the Mediterranean.

My Christian beliefs keep me mindful that my final destination is dependent on my life choices. I’m sure these will not always be right but God knows and probably expects that. However asking, praying and trying to journey in God’s direction is the best I can do. And if life was only about the destination God would not have created me or given me free choice.

My life is full of the echo of journeying, I want to keep it that way and to learn and enjoy those that journey along with me.

“If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go”

The Calling “I’ll go wherever you will go”

http://youtu.be/aRCNZ8JALms

...the context of colour

Colour has been something that has always fascinated me.

As well as the visual interpretation of colour, I’m also interested in how colour influences emotions and mood and whether colour can be contextual?

I wonder whether colour actually exists in our world or whether colour is a phenomenon created by our eyes or perhaps our brain, after all isn’t colour created by the refraction of light? Maybe everything in the world is a different tone of just one hue. What if the world is really beige?

Even having that thought makes me feel extremely sad; a colourless world has an impact on my entire psyche. So if a lack of colour brings with it a sense of hopelessness and bland monotony what does colour bring?

We all know & mostly buy in to today’s colour associations with gender – pink for girls and blue for boys’, whether we feel this is right or wrong. However it seems that the use of pink and blue emerged at the turn of the century, the rule being pink for boys, blue for girls. Since pink was a stronger colour it was best suited for boys; blue was more delicate and dainty and best for girls. Blue is considered a calm, passive colour, hence feminine. Red (pink derived from red) is considered active hence masculine. Why is challenging this norm in our culture so difficult?

And what about the emotions, sensations and cultural inferences of colour?

If I think about Yellow for example what do I feel, what mood does it evoke? Bright, optimistic, vibrant, warm, alive, fresh…but these associations are not what the colour itself mean but what is evoked in me by my associations with objects are that colour. Sunshine is a warm, bright yellow & lemons taste zingy, zesty and fresh. Both culturally contextual, because if you have never experienced a lemon, what would that colour evoke within you? Additionally I wonder whether the nomadic tribes that permanently live in the Sahara have emotions of sunshine yellow in the same way we do in the northern hemisphere. For them, the sun mostly brings harsh relentless, unforgiving conditions to live in. So does it make them have the same sense of optimism and cheerfulness when experiencing that colour?

Similarly green for me feels like the colour of the outdoors and of nature. Fresh, natural and alive. So for those who live within the Sahara desert the colour and emotion associated with the outdoors would be terracotta, wouldn’t it?

Interestingly only 3 primary colours are needed to make the entire spectrum of colours – Red, Yellow & Blue. Combinations of these 3 colours give us all we need, just as the 3 in the Holy Trinity – Father, Son & Holy Spirit give us all we need as believers to create a living relationship with God the creator.

Without light we are unable to see and experience colour. In scripture it is God that commanded light to shine out of the darkness – so colour and our experience of it is God given but culturally created.

For me, my favourite colour changes dependant on my mood or what I feel the need to experience.  This blog is in black and white, so either completely right or wrong – otherwise it would be in shades of grey, wouldn’t it?

...how handy?

For me, I’m pretty sure my hands are absolutely key to who I am.

I know that sounds kind of weird but without my hands expression for me would be difficult.

So experiences of my hands…. I’ve been laughed at for needing to utilize my touch sensation to understand almost everything. Feeling, holding and stroking give me the space to consider whether I like what I feel and the time to decide what to do next. I’m like this even with inanimate objects. I somehow am able to feel decisions through touch – perhaps not alone because wisdom is also required to discern the right choice.

My creativity is dependent on my hands too. Seeing an amazing visual, whether physically or psychologically is one thing. Enabling that visual to ‘escape’, to be shared with others requires my ability to write, draw, sculpt or create in some way. Feeling a creation from an idea through to hands that touch, maneouvre, shape, construct and enjoy.

Touch for me is one of the key sensations. Whether it is holding an artist paintbrush confidently, yet deftly to create strokes on a page. Soft, small, delicate or bold, brash and brave or running my hands across fabric to determine which will create the desired outcome. Stroking my hands across skin, feeling texture, warmth, or the effect my hands have.

I understand the world around me through touch and also use my hands to express myself. I am unable to fully engage with others without my hands. I use my hands when I’m excited, gesticulating madly or when I’m sad to hold my head in my hands or to wipe away tears. My hands smooth, fiddle, play and create all the time.

Biblically we are aware that God ‘spoke’ creation into being, however there are constant references or inferences that God holds us, keeps us safe, cradles us. That (if we take His hand) He will lead us.

Jesus’ touch & hands blessed and embraced little children with tender love. His hands broke bread to feed thousands. He touched and healed those that were ill, even those with the most serious and contagious diseases and those who were under the power of the devil. And more than once, He touched and raised to life someone who had died.  And just before He ascended to heaven, He lifted up His hands and blessed the disciples.

My hands are uniquely made by God with fingerprints that are individual to me, as are yours.

Use your hands today – raise them in praise and worship to God, hold them together in prayer, use them to soothe another, to create, to demonstrate fun or just to you show care by holding someone …

What will your hands say about you…?

...feeling like Alice

Have you ever felt like Alice? …In Wonderland of course.

It was a vision, sensation, thought some or all of these that struck me today.  The image came to mind of Alice held in an enormous spinning tea cup. Now I have no clue whether Alice is ever featured in the story in this way, as I have never read Alice in Wonderland. At this point I can hear a certain friend gasping in horror and disbelief – however my piecemeal absorption of the story, along with a little creativity and inspiration can still create a picture for me. So I replaced Alice with myself but maybe you can imagine yourself in the same way?

I am small within the spinning teacup and I feel scared, out of control and yet held in a safe space all at the same time. Sometimes this is how I feel and can visualise myself in the world that God has created. I’m a small person in a big space and within a big and unknown timeline. The world is an amazing wonderland, kind of crazy and fantastical in so many ways. So much of it makes absolutely no sense to us, I’m not sure God ever created it for us to understand but simply to be within and to enjoy.

In some ways God is my teacup. He holds me safe and secure within, whilst I spin crazily through the world like a spinning fairground ride.

I also imagine myself small, hugging my knees and sitting alone on the giant bottom step of a long winding stairway. This vision to me feels like God has put me in this space to contemplate my errors, where I have gone wrong or what I could do better.

I also occasionally take on the physical & mental rushed worry that the ‘White Rabbit’ – others, create around me. God created time and man created watches.  Time has a natural wonderland rhythm that watches rush us through and can make us miss.

Matthew Chapter 6

²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?”

The Mad Hatter’s riddles feel like my own struggles to make sense of myself, the world and my place within it. At times the riddles are fun to work out, they make me smile and they make me see in a whole new exciting way. At other times the riddles frustrate me, there are too many of them all at once, they seemingly never end or have a definitive answer and so I want to leave the tea party and get back into the protection of my teacup.

We live in an amazing wonderland where only God has all the answers and where we are all created uniquely and wonderfully.

So whilst I might be a bit weird, I enjoy the vision of being Alice. I am small; things are sometimes mad, spinning and confusing but I know that God is in control and I put my faith in Him.

...the art of noise

Yesterday’s musings on “The Sound of Music” made me think a little more about different types of music and how these affect or reflect our moods and emotions.

This started with the line “The hills are alive with the sound of music” – the context of the song and film being the mountains of Austria. So, it occurred to me that the music from this part of the world mirrors the echoing without and within that is created and felt by the mountains and style of musical expression in that area. Something about the geography, expanse of scenery and the quality of sound that is created within that space. Pure, echoing, reverberating sound that is created by external physical elements but can be felt by man’s internal soul. Not just the visual awesomeness but the sound it creates.

So I wanted to expand on a few other similar or contrasting resonances.

More relevant to modern culture today is the heavy bass line in music. A sound that physically vibrates around the inside of our bodies, much like the vibrations experienced by the amplification system delivering the sound. A sound or maybe noise that actually moves your body and that feels internal in all aspects. It rings inside our ears, makes our heart pound and feels like the sound is trying to physically burst out of us. Our bodies consume the sound and involuntarily adrenaline levels are raised. How & why does that happen?

White noise is a random flat sound. The constant pitch and repetitive nature of the sound connects with our psyche in such a way that we absolutely want the noise to end. And outcomes to the sound create physical & emotional effects on those exposed.

So what about silence and is there even such a thing in our world? How often do any of us encounter silence and does the lack of quiet space affect us?

Despite the multitude of Christian traditions created over thousands of years, prayer can still often be seen as an individual activity, undertaken in silence or quiet. A communion between God and ourselves. But perhaps there are ideas that can be taken from thinking about music and the sound landscape that God has created around us. And how we can use that to help us connect with ourselves and ultimately with God.

Maybe our prayer life can be more relational if we connect with and hear God’s world. It’s easy to think that God connects with us through words – the key way that we understand and engage with each other. If not hearing God directly then perhaps hearing God’s voice through the spoken word or wisdom of others.

Music and sound are perhaps just an alternative way that can help us reflect where we are back to God and in that space can be a way of feeling the echo within…feeling God within.

...the sound of music

What is it about music that connects so deeply with our soul?

As babies or as parents the natural instinct is to be soothed or to soothe. A whole host of traditional lullabies exist to calm a fretful baby; Nursery toys that have songs on repeat often accompanied by magical lights, the lyrical rocking that carers resort to while singing or humming to placate the wails and tears.

Cultures that are nearer to nature also still have a real sense of connection with the rhythm of life. Chores are often completed along with a chant or dance - perhaps pounding grain underfoot or with a fufu pounder. As manual chores have disappeared from western life we have also lost the ability to connect with music in the same way. As a tool to keep us in time or to keep us inspired.

In western society music is purely about enjoyment, we each identify with a style or sound that resonates with who we are. Rather than feeling the rhythm of music as an internal motivator, music becomes an external signpost. It helps us identify with others who have a similar sense of style. It’s more about external than internal.

This thought came to me as a result of a friend’s mention of meeting with a Nun this weekend…

Musicals have always been my favourite genre of film – my earliest choices being The Sound of Music and The Wizard of Oz. I either wanted to be Dorothy with her red glittery shoes singing “Follow the Yellow Brick Road” or Nun/Governess Maria singing “These are a few of my favourite things”.

There is something about the honesty and emotion conveyed in words expressed through song that connects with my heart.

Biblically music has always important. Perhaps as the majority of society was unable to read, learning was shared through music and lyrics. Music and words have also always enabled individuals to express emotions in a way that the spoken word alone cannot do. It is something about the rhythm and mood created that connects deeply with the heart of who we are.

In the bible the songs in the book of Psalms particularly enable the writers to express sorrow, thanksgiving, praise and joy. The combination of voices in a harmonious gospel choir uplifts the soul and Tzaize chants bring a sense of focus while allowing our spirit to encounter God in a real and open way.

In The Sound of Music, music is brought back into the hearts and home of the Von Trapp family and their romps through the hills and mountains inspire all who watch the film to sing and find joy in the smallest things. Like raindrops on roses …with a renewed zest for life.

So, the sound of music has made me consider my focus, where my zest for life lies and what my favourite things are.

What are your favourite things? Are you living with a rhythm to your life that connects with your heart and soul?  And if not…why not?

...fireflies

Western society is based on external appearances. We each judge others on what they look like, stereotypes kick in and this happens almost subconsciously.

We align ourselves with others who are similar, similar backgrounds, similar views and even similar in appearance. This is especially applicable within our teenage years – kids morph into each other, with the outward appearance being almost identical. It’s easy to think this is just a youth phenomenon but actually within the work place we adults also feel the need to fit in and look the part.

Grey suits in the city, corporate polyester suits behind the desks of high street banks and an alternative look with anything charity orientated.

At some point during my teen years I became aware that actually I had my own views, opinions, style and God ordained sense of individuality. Different from friends and more amazingly different from the views and opinions my parents had brought me up with. That can be hard.

But from my pre-teen years I felt a real sense of God within me. However, I also had the desire to remain ‘cool’, as I felt belief in God would appear less than ‘cool’. If I could look ‘normal’ on the outside then that might help others find God too??

But something different had to shine through that would help others see God within me.

I was reminded of that thought and feeling this morning, as I gazed outside at a bunch of tiny flies hovering together in my garden. It reminded me of the song ‘Fireflies’.

Fireflies are attractive to others by the chemicals produced within their abdomen. Glowing yellow, green or pale red. No matter the colour it makes those observing see that the interior of the firefly is as important as the exterior. What is inside is as important as what is on the outside.

There are many individuals within the bible who God shines through. People who don’t naturally fit in. Like the woman in Luke Chapter 7 who is unafraid to approach Jesus and cleanse and anoint his feet with perfume.

I wonder how God shines through each of us as believers. What do others see in us that can help attract them to God? Something about who we are, unspoken, shiny and special just like fireflies. Fireflies have the ability to be attractive, to fascinate whilst being impossible to ignore.

I know that I am not perfect, just as fireflies vary and glow with a different intensity and colour. God shines out of me as a broken and imperfect person.

I love being a firefly…what about you…?

...the filling

Bread has been a staple food from the beginning of time and remains the same today.

Biblically manna is a fine flake like bread substance in Exodus that kept the escaping Israelites nourished as they journeyed home from Egypt.

Jesus feeds the 5000 with 5 loaves and 2 fishes and bread is symbolic as the broken body of Christ shared with the disciples 2000 years ago and remains today… for us of faith. Jesus, the bread of life.

However in 21^st century Britain bread is synonymous with sandwiches. Thanks to the 4^th Earl of Sandwich, who apparently requested meat tucked between two slices of bread.

Without bread it isn’t a sandwich.  Bread is simply what holds the filling together. Bread is almost the Alpha & Omega – the beginning and the end. It starts and ends the sandwich and holds everything in between together.

God will always be our Alpha & Omega but the in between part is up to us.

God has created mankind and will come again at the end of time. Genesis to Revelation…

We are and can create the filling. God wants us to be interesting and come up with unique and individual fillings that satisfy Him and us as the different people He created. Fillings should be interesting and creatively demonstrate a little of who we are.

One of the best sandwich creators was the cartoon character Scooby Doo with his multi decker multi filled sandwiches. I’m not sure I have ever stretched myself to a Scooby Doo style sandwich but I have created unusual combinations. Beetroot, Peanut butter and cucumber, cheddar cheese and marmalade or salami, mango chutney & brie to name just a few.

So if we know that God is the beginning and the end, His commandment to us is to ensure we experiment and fulfil the filling plans He has for us. Let’s not simply settle for butter. The middle or filling is what God has given us to experiment with, to discover ourselves in His plan and to pack in everything within the precious life He has blessed us with.

I’m certainly not content with butter alone.

I know that God wants me to experiment with my fillings. Some things just don’t work, I might get it wrong and need to throw it away and start again. But if I know what I like, if I know what God wants me to enjoy, then the filling can be amazing.

It can and should be something to delight in, to smile about to want more of and to continually enjoy.

So what would your Scooby Doo sandwich be today? And what filling does God want for your life? And how will you ensure you put the best choice of filling between Alpha & Omega?

...navigation

Satellite navigation...good or bad?

Personally I’m a mix of old school and techno chic geek. It means I love the advancement, excitement and intrigue of all that is new but I still like to be able to have the skills to utilise the traditional. Both methods would probably gain similar end results but the journey would certainly be different.

The sat nav journey requires complete reliance on the technology to deliver end to end results as predicted. At the start it outlines the route, alerts along the way on delays, offers solutions, highlights advantages and disadvantages and also updates on the time and distance to the end goal. The planner might take the quickest but less scenic route or the driver maybe too focused on the technology to miss nature and landmarks along the way.

The traditional journey starts with a map, maybe a compass or just an understanding of the physical geography & elements – sunrise and sunset. Next steps are the ability to prioritise and utilise the information to work out where you’re heading and if it’s in the right direction. Misinterpretation of information could mean you don’t arrive as quickly as you require and mistakes might also mean you see places and landmarks you had not planned for.

So if you were given a translucent crystal how helpful would that be? Would finding your way be crystal clear?

Apparently Vikings were super ahead of the curve, ahead of sat nav with it’s variety of voice overs from scalding to sexy. Vikings navigated with a clear crystal called the Iceland Spar. Which utilised light, along with an optical effect to locate the sun… even when hidden from view.

So where am I going with this blog today??…giggle

Well apart from identifying that Vikings are clearly the cleverest race ever, I think I have come to a crystal clear decision.

Navigation requires a real mixture of techniques to ensure clarity of vision & confirmation that your route is going in the right direction. Often there are obstacles along the way but that is OK, so long as you have and use the right tools and keep your eye on the guiding light.

I can identify with this in Christian terms as I navigate the sea of life. Prayer, discernment, wisdom, reflection and a listening heart that sees, hears and connects deeply, often without the rational is important. And all of this needs to be done while keeping my sight firmly fixed on God, my guiding light… whether I am worthy or not.

So, it’s a Viking and Iceland Spar all the way for me…

...the Rescuer

An outstretched arm, a lifebuoy, a helicopter hovering above a rocky mountainous ridge. A flashing light signalling speed is required or the siren wailing to make way.

All are recognised as a means or end to a rescue situation, the alarm has rung out and a response is on its way.

What happens if we don’t know a rescue is required or that rescue actions are imminent? And what if rescue comes and we don’t recognise it, we ignore it, turn away waiting for something more real?

Throughout the Old Testament God gives His people the opportunity to take heed to rescue plans and turns lives around to follow His path. Despite endless rescues God ultimately sacrifices His own son Jesus to save mankind.

I cannot imagine that level of sacrifice, just to rescue me.

Not only that but I’m sure most of the time I am oblivious to any rescue plan, unless it hits me full in the face with bells and whistles.

Rescue requires courage on behalf of the despatched emergency team and belief and trust on the behalf of the rescuer. What situation will the team find on arrival and what remedy will the patient require?

God knows us more than we know ourselves and so can pre-empt the emergency situations we find ourselves in but I wonder what methods He uses to help our recovery. Sometimes we perhaps have an epiphany and are miraculously saved at other times the process seems to take much longer. We must learn the long road to recovery. Other times ‘rescue’ comes and we ignore it.

And so what are our expectations of The Rescuer(s)? That they will have all the answers and reveal the rescue process in detail as it unfolds? Probably not… The details may well be gory, gut wrenching and with an unknown outcome. Plus the patient has their own part to play – to give up or fight with resilience.

God has created us to have free will and participate within His plan. He is the ultimate Rescuer, we can choose to alert Him to the rescue we desire and recognise the rescue plan He puts in place.

One of the first films I remember wanting to see at the cinema was Disney’s “The Rescuers”…

“A girl in danger... A cry for help... And two marvellous mice, who will risk anything to save her!”

Unfortunately my visit to the cinema was before pre-booking and “The Rescuers” was full.  My second choice was “Abba; The Movie”.  I’m still an Abba fan today (sshhhh) with the ultimate film track being “Thank You for the Music”.

So Lord I give you the predicament today, I cry for your help to recognise when, where and what rescue is needed and continue to give you the thanks for the rhythm and music of life.

...something inside so strong

“The higher you build your barriers

The taller I become

The farther you take my rights away

The faster I will run

You can deny me

You can decide to turn your face away

No matter, cos there's.... Something inside so strong”

Labi Siffre

It took the Israelite slaves 400 years fulfil their wish and desire to finally leave Egypt and head ‘home’ to Israel. For many slaves on that journey home was Egypt, they had known nothing different – especially Moses. But God had a plan that Moses was the one to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, to a ‘home’ that most had never experienced. Moses had a clear mandate from God but for the majority of Israelites the calling home was perhaps just a God given sensation and belief buried deep within their hearts. It was a desire so strong that they heard and followed Moses’ call, it would not go away, and it was preordained.

Exodus 3:7-10

 “The Lord said, ‘I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering…So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt”

Following our heart is definitely not a recommended route…or is it?

Unless we back up emotion with ration – it’s irrational, right? And being irrational is being crazy, nonsensical and certainly not using our wisdom.

But where and how do we hear God in this? Do we have the courage to be like Moses? Or follow like the Israelites?

I’ve rarely had a sensation so strong that I’ve had to act on it. I’ve normally been able to rationalise myself in or out of those game breaking situations and I find myself wondering at what cost or at what loss.

But within Exodus the clear message is Get Up…Leave…Take Off... but most of us perhaps resist our marching orders. We prefer to embrace the known and feel resistance to change the old for the new.

God wants to lead us too if we’ll let Him.

It seems I’m just too scared to see through the desert sandstorm on my journey to the Red Sea. Or if ever I reach the Red Sea I’ll happily build a wall or barrier. It might stop me crashing but it also stops me seeing and reaching the amazing world beyond that God has planned for me.

As I’m typing this – God just broke through my consciousness through TV audio “We might live happily ever after, who knows!”

And the reality is I don’t even like the Labi Siffre song but sometimes it takes the unusual to make us realise we need to listen.

...being still

I don’t think it can be ‘normal’ for us to be still.

As children we are told to sit still, by parents and teachers. Child hood games even exist to challenge and reward children to be still in the physical sense. The assumption in Being Still, or in being quiet, that we will be less distracting, distracted and more focused.

I can recall an instance where I have been required to be still. The life-model at Art College was absent and so as students we each took it in turns to model for the rest of the class. Our usual model normally took up a pose for around an hour at least, with maybe one break. The pose was often twisted or contorted to ensure our life drawing skills were put to the test. On the day I modelled I simply had to sit in a comfortable armchair for 10 minutes. I became aware of all the elements without and within myself. Blinking, breathing, skin tingling, nose twitching, heart pumping, hair moving, feet wiggling, muscles aching and the list went on and on.

Being Still was excruciatingly difficult for me.

But Being Still at least did make me feel and be aware of all sensations without and within.

“Be still and know that I am God”    Psalm 46:10

Finding time to truly be still and experience God’s desire for my life is as difficult for me as physically being still. Yet I know it is within this space that I hear, feel and sense who God is and who I am really called to be. Even more, this becomes a place where I can relax assured that God is holding and protecting me.

Life can sometimes feel like a hurricane. It’s fast, furious and uncontrollable. We can be confronted at any moment by flying debris but at the eye of the storm everything is calm.

When everything around us is unpredictable God is God. He is the calm of our storms and calls us to Be Still trusting and knowing that He is in control.

...living lyrics

Gimme a reason, Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you
Gimme a reason, Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go
Can you tell me, I wanna know

Because I miss you, And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful, These three words have said it all
You know I miss you, I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong I don't need to carry on

Gimme a reason, Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down, Spinning round and round
Gimme a reason, Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

Because I miss you, And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you beautiful, These three words have said it all
You know I miss you, I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong, I don't need to carry on

It's such a hard life in most of the time I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know,
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

And I miss you, This is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you beautiful, These three words have said it all
You know I miss you, I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong I don't need to carry on

You know I miss you, And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you beautiful, These three words have said it all
You know I miss you, And this is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool, But maybe I'm in love with you

You know I miss you, And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong I don't need to carry on
I just miss you, Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby And when you're walking out that door
I know I miss you, You make me wanna ask for more
I just miss you, Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby...

"I Miss You" - Darren Hayes

...if I'm honest

“…if I’m honest I would say this week has been the worst week of my life!”

So why wouldn’t I be honest?

I’m a Christian, it’s what I am called to do and be, even if my sinful nature makes me fallible like everyone else. The bible is full of verses that clearly outline God’s expectation of man.

Proverbs 12:22
The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful.

So why then have I not been honest this week? Why have I not told others about the events that have made this week so dreadful for me?

Maybe because when asked “How are you?” I know that most of the time, the question requires a simple, non complicated answer. An answer that doesn’t really require any kind of engagement or connection. Certainly no interaction with the information shared.

“How are you?” needs a straightforward “I’m great thanks!”

Honesty however requires a confidence on the part of the person sharing, that the recipient will be in a place where they are able to absorb, accept and reflect back the information in a helpful way. The sharing of honesty also needs to include trust, for the recipient to be non judgmental and compassionate. Unless these factors are in place how honest do we each feel we can be?

Honesty is also a way of laying yourself open and bare. Sharing yourself in ways that others may find shocking, disappointing or just different. To be any of these things can need constant explanation and justification, if not exclusion can be the outcome.

Culture and society is all about inclusion and being accepted – so again, where does honesty take us?

To a place where others may feel uneasy with us or in our presence? Or maybe placing ourselves open to scorn, contention or exclusion.

I want to be honest.

Opening my heart feels like the most natural thing in the world. It feels freeing, refreshing and liberating but I’m also aware of the situation it creates.

So perhaps honesty includes the sense of protecting others as well as ourselves?

Protecting each from unwanted and perhaps painful experiences.

I have wanted to be completely honest this week but my potential for pain and compassion stops me just short.

All I can pray is that with time I can prepare myself and others for my honesty and that I still have time to delight God.

...a world without words

I thought I loved words until today.

The reason behind my change of heart is one thing but the challenge and focus it brought to my thinking was quite another.

So words fulfil a multitude of functions, as well as enabling understanding to pass from person(s) to person(s). They can define intellect, express emotions; they can be lyrical, witty, angry, and sad. They can be meaningless, misunderstood, misused, overused, and abused. Some are fashionable, others lose their place in modern language and some develop over centuries and migrate from one language to another. They can be written or spoken, be shouted or whispered, emphasised or glossed over and the list seems endless.

However surely the power of words is really in their delivery and interpretation? Otherwise they are just marks on a page or undecipherable nonsense.

What one person writes or says may simply be understood or misunderstood differently by the recipient. Words may be affected by the context & environment they are delivered & received within. The exact same words may resonate completely differently today from yesterday.

So are words the best form of communication? And what would a world without words be like? And what mechanisms would we develop to communicate?

Our other senses would have to be fine tuned, much as an individual who has already experienced the loss of a sense(s). Would emotions such as fear, sadness, love, and joy be more truthfully interpreted through other senses such as seeing, touching, smelling, hearing, without the use of words?  Or would there still be the issues of definition and meaning?

I don’t know.

But what I do know is that seeking truthful expression and interpretation is important to me and so expressing what is required without words might feel liberating.

It feels like words, written or spoken are tools that we all too easily assume the ability to use, however the caveat should be ‘Beware’; as the power of words should never be underestimated.

...grounded freedom

I’m not quite sure about the lifecycle of a dandelion but I presume that from the scattered seeds, the dandelion finds fertile ground where it can grow and bloom. After the season where it has shone in all its fantastical yellow glory, it turns into a white, soft ethereal ball where the seeds can be blown freely by the wind to procreate all over again.

There’s something incredible about the beauty and freedom demonstrated by the dandelion seeds. They have a clear sense of creation and purpose and yet a whimsical freedom to go where they ‘are called’.

A randomness, where nature catches the seeds in its elements. Some float softly in the updraft of a warm breeze that caresses the seed to its final destination. Other seeds are ripped from the Mother flower by a forceful gale and tossed high into the air, shaken this way and that. Falling and being lifted again, going round in circles, free and yet it’s place of rest remaining uncertain.

The images of dandelion seeds blowing in the wind resonate sharply with me. The sense of uncertainty of their route, the freedom of their journey and a hope that the final destination would be one that enabled growth and fulfilment.

I feel like that dandelion seed, wanting the freedom and yet at the same time searching for the fertile piece of ground that is my destination. Wanting the journey of the soft updraft and gentle placement but experiencing a forceful gale and scared of falling, fast, dramatically and crashing onto fallow ground.

I want my freedom to be grounded at the right time, in the right place and with the right people. I know that my freedom and my choices could keep me in a maelstrom indefinitely if I don’t rely on the one that created me to have freedom.

God gives us the freedom to experience all but our perfect freedom is grounded in Him. I know I’m delicate and fragile and my freedom in Him won’t necessarily provide me with the soft gentle journey but I do hope and pray his freedom will bring me through the gale.