..my dreams are bursting at the seams

...everything is never what it seems ;)

...colourtastic

...what time is this?

I am made of beliefs and not barriers

I am made of many, not one

I am made of all the days you don’t see, not just the one you do

I am made of everything to come not just what has been

'Stolen' from Asics Advert

The words above reminded me of something I heard earlier this week, that we are part of His-Story.  God's Story.

Kairos is the "fullness of time," God’s time zone.

Kairos time conveys notions of unboundness, of fluidity, of God’s purposes intersecting and overruling this finite world of chronological time.

Kairos refers to opportunity, as it represents "the arena of man’s decision on his way to an eternal destiny"

...whimsical?

Love is like a butterfly

A rare and gentle thing



...wondering about wandering

It’s interesting that just when I wonder whether God is talking to me,  I wander into His presence and nothing becomes something.

Bizarrely and randomly this evening I was confronted by an image of a Harlequin Mime Artist.

1. It is so dreadfully uncool and fills my memories or Arena posters from the 1980’s.

2. If you don’t remember Arena then perhaps you won’t get me.

Large images of Harlequin Pierrot suddenly filled my mind and made me wonder how such a strong outward appearance and image managed to hide the pain that the Pierrot always expressed. The face was expressionless often, except one perfect tear.

Whilst the body language, dance and music would express a whole load of emotion the Pierrot’s face remained set.

I wonder how often I go through life with one face on the outside, whilst experiencing another on the inside? Or how my actions belie my real state of emotions and I’m left wondering when or if others will notice this without the Pierrot mask cracking? And what will happen if the Pierrot mask does crack, what will be revealed, will the pieces fit back together again and if they do will they look the same?

The Pierrot tried to communicate everything through mime and dance as if a glass screen separated their physical & vocal being from those who were viewing the scene. Shouting does not cut through and large expansive movements do not convey the subtlety of the human condition.

So next time you look at me…or another, imagine there is sound proof glass between us. Can you pick up on the small movements, can you feel the emotion beyond the unchanging expression and can you hear what is being said without words?

If not, why not?

...lamenting

Psalm 55:4-8

The Message (MSG)

 ^4-8 My insides are turned inside out;
      specters of death have me down.
   I shake with fear,
      I shudder from head to foot.
   "Who will give me wings," I ask—
      "wings like a dove?"
   Get me out of here on dove wings;
      I want some peace and quiet.
   I want a walk in the country,
      I want a cabin in the woods.
   I'm desperate for a change
      from rage and stormy weather.

...self discovery

It’s been a weird couple of days for me – experiencing huge elation fuelled by self discovery, alongside deep lows fuelled equally by the opposite scale of self discovery. The assumption is that the emotion one would feel is of equilibrium…neither elated nor in despair, however the reality felt quite different.

It reminded me of a physical journey taken recently. My co traveller had a mobile application that enabled us to find all the planets and stars that were above us in the night sky. As we travelled we had been discussing our knowledge of constellations and what could be seen when and where above us within our hemisphere.

Needless to say our knowledge was quite basic but our desire to feel and see beyond ourselves was genuinely acute. As we shared we learnt and once the mobile application was passed around, what had once seemed complicated, mysterious and hidden became glaringly obvious.

Often life can be like this. Something that was once mysterious, exotic or exciting can tip the scales to the opposite extreme. The object of our desire hasn’t changed but our view has shifted or perhaps despite the clarity – we chose to put a smokescreen in the way.

With knowledge can come the desire to explore further or maybe this is replaced by the fear of what might be found and uncovered, within ourselves. The exploration or withdrawal sensation we experience depends on how open we each are to recognise and acknowledge new experiences and the sense of moving forward.

Like taking a journey along a particular path – we cannot forget the scenery along the way or how we had enjoyed the view. It cannot be erased or forgotten but what it should do is inform us about the errors we may have made along the route and equally what we enjoyed.

So back to my wonderful view of the constellations…

I now know where to see the orange glow of Mars in the night sky and where Venus – the brightest star can be seen. I’m a better star gazer as a result and can now look to extend my knowledge and experiences further.

Going back is not an option…

I can equally say that Jesus came to move man forward and to keep moving us forward. Otherwise as Christians we would still be completely bound by the laws of The Old Testament. However as with the only assurity in our lives – that we each are born to die, we also know that Jesus came to save us and will one day come again. Jesus lived a life that moved Him forward, from a baby born as a King and deliverer, to a King who many could not see and accept due to the smokescreens they had/have put in the way.

So my journey of self discovery continues…

I am in this place because of all that has gone before, as are those whose lives I have touched. Looking back is not an option, who we are is what we have experienced and God can turn any and all of this into His desires.

...suddenly so clear

...c'est vrai, c'est un...

...rising from the ashes

...inner self

The phrase “Body, Mind and Soul” appears to sum up how society ranks all that we encompass as human beings. Body first, Mind second and Soul last.

In conversation with a colleague recently I was curious if he had a ‘type’, when it came to seeking a partner. He candidly said "No...", that it was more about personality and interests but then ended by mentioning that of course she had to be ‘good looking’ – whatever ‘good looking’ meant to him. So it seems that on a communal and individual level, we are commonly unable to access the Mind and Soul of others without first prioritising the visual.

Societies around the world are constructed and interpreted on the visual - for once this spans across the developed and developing world and from northern to southern hemispheres, regardless of race, gender or ethnicity. I’m sure there is research data available that could both inform and perhaps shock us, about how much time we each on average spend attending to our outward appearance. From thinking about it, to actioning it and all the stages in between.

So it seems that visual appearance is all powerful in our world…

But what about our inner selves, how much time do we invest in developing who we are? I don’t mean our Minds, in terms of developing the rational, analytical part of ourselves. This ranks a clear second in terms of the knowledge we seek to acquire and the skills we attain. The education of our minds. Also, I don’t mean our inner selves as our Soul, the emotional, moral and spiritual part of who we are.  It’s true that for most whilst the Body and Mind remains core, the Soul is frequently not even considered an essential part of life today.

So what is missing from the above that can help us understand these disparate elements?

For me it’s intuition that helps me to feel and discern the rational to the emotional. That doesn’t mean I don’t utilise the rational but within the black and white of wrong and right – I like to feel that sense of grey. So that not only does something look right but it feels right too. I’m not talking about emotion but more like a perception or an intrinsic and often unquantifiable sensation. My intuitive self, is the real me, I can’t explain me in this context, others can truly only access it by feeling who I am. It’s not a visual or intellectual embodiment.

From a spiritual perspective I wonder if intuition is what drew and kept the disciples following Jesus? The visual (including the miracles the disciples witnessed), didn’t completely allay their doubts and fears and leaving all their possessions and family to follow Jesus could not be categorised as rational. But their intuition told the Disciples that Jesus was the Son of God. The writings from the Prophets rationally pointed the Disciples in that direction too but it was their intuition and ultimately faith that led them to truly believe.

Developing our intuition is an internal way of understanding and sensing our true selves, what we believe and feel.

So I wonder whether God is intuition, the intrinsic centre of who we are.

...censored

Express the mess

That adds to the stress of life

Where pain and shame

Aloud exclaim the hurt.

Where work averts

Where senses alert

Where numbness is inert

To all that is exert.

Feelings remain

Yet the senses have dulled

The imprint retained

And the memory culled, to survive.

Enough is enough

When things are so tough

And I’m calling time

As I resign and align

To the journey revealed over time

Stand out moments cannot be ignored

Sensational experiences should be explored

Within the heart & mind stored

The forever new should be implored

By the one who is self censored...

...being led

Today it’s Palm Sunday and I had been asked quite some time ago to share a personal journey with others at Church.

The date had not resonated with me but as I have discovered so many times in my life, things rarely happen by chance. This date, this time and this place – all felt pre-ordained. I had been led by an experience and now was being led by God to share.

Being led felt fulfilling, the spirit of God was in that time and space and all points were converging to achieve the maximum impact.

But it also made me wonder how many times have I pulled in the opposite direction to God’s leading? And how do I know when God is in control and how do I let Him truly guide my life?

It made me think about how it feels when I take my dog for a walk. She is excited by all the opportunities open to her – the sense of excitement is overwhelming. The sights, the sounds and the smells send her into a whirl of choices.

Sometimes I keep her on a tight leash and have the determination to train her every step of the way. But it hurts, she causes me relentless pain and it requires endless repetition of commands…when will she listen and respond to the teaching that I know she understands?

I recognise myself in the above and feel the pain that I must cause God the Father. But God doesn’t have me on a leash, He has given me freedom to be led by Him or not. To keep Him in my vision and follow the ‘walk’ that He has planned for me, or not.

This can feel like an exercise in divergence – the chance to explore all that is out there in life. God gives us the skills to use our intuition, along with discernment and wisdom to converge on the right choices.  But in life we may converge too quickly or remain in this state without reviewing the opportunities that God calls us to explore.

Convergence without exploration and openness to change could be deciphered as the fear to truly be led by God. Convergence should not be mistaken for taking the easy path; our path in life will not remain unchanged. God does ask us to continually seek and grow in Him.

Easter is a time where Jesus’ divergent journey comes together. Where all the pre-ordained predictions from Prophets throughout the Old Testament converge in that time and place.

So for me, this Easter is a good time to evaluate my journey with God and to continually remain open to His leading.

What about you?

...1-2-1

...visual emotion

...lost?

Being lost…exciting or scary? Intended or random?

I guess no one situation is the same but the feelings, coping mechanisms and outcomes are often all possible from the one scenario. Right? Or maybe a multitude of scenarios are possible, each dependant on individual reactions and the domino effect therein.

This occurred to me at the weekend when I was walking with a friend. We had a map…should we follow it? And to what extent? If we used the map some of the time and surroundings/instinct for the rest, how different would that feel? And if we completely abandoned written information and completely went with our instincts would we feel more lost or not?

All of the above comes down to being in control. To knowing, understanding and meeting expectation. So having a map, following a route and arriving on time is not perhaps the most inventive or exploratory way of doing things. Following a plan meets an intended resolution but what is learnt along the way?

For us, on our walk..we realised early on that our map reading skills were rusty. But despite this we were able to use other skills taught and observed. We mostly followed the intended route; we occasionally wandered and overall arrived back as anticipated.

But life isn’t always to that pattern and frequently getting lost is just what we want.

I remember as a child, trying to get lost from my mother in a major supermarket. Why is that? Perhaps the sense of separation, that we are each unique individuals. Each capable of asserting ourselves, no matter what age. Having lost my Mother what would I have done? I’m sure I would have enjoyed the brief moment to just be me.  To see what was important to me in that context and to feel the freedom be it short lived and remorseful for the parental anxiety I would have caused.

So trying to get lost and be lost is not always as easy as it sounds.

What is it about being lost that feels liberating? For me it includes the sense of adventure, of misdemeanour and fear of the unknown. Each requires a response from me, it requires me to be alert and to react…I feel alive. And sometimes I want to lose myself in that experience. I want to be alone, to feel isolated to learn afresh how I can cope. Visually I can see this so much better than I am describing and maybe you can too. I can feel my aloneness, I can see where I am and my physiology is real.

There are many biblical examples of individuals being lost and whilst each is individual, each of course relies on the living God. Maybe to deliver and answer through a vision – Joseph and his dreams or maybe Moses and the burning bush to name just two or to prompt us each to depend solely on prayer. As Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane or on the Cross calling to the Father.

When we are truly lost we have to rely on what is outside of ourselves, what can only be answered through prayer, discernment and trust.

Let us not judge what that might be; for we can only gain what is truly ours by losing our earthly expectations and inhibitions.

...de-wishing

...'inspirationalism'

What is inspiration? Where does it come from? How does it feel? What does it look like? And is there any uniformity in it at all and if not how do we each recognise it in ourselves and also in others?

I’m inspired by the thought of inspiration…

Inspiration is definitely about interest but it is so much more than that. Inspiration inherently contains a whole array of other sensations and maybe even desires. So where does it start? Does the initial engagement begin as a result of an external influence or impact and is it this that leads to an internal and personal reaction? The initial impact has to be experiential, something we have learnt or experienced, doesn’t it? Or are we each born with individual inspiration barometers?  Natural and innate interest, desire, fascination and excitement preferences?

So internal or external? Bestowed and God given or societal and learnt? Or maybe it’s a combination of both? For me, inspiration seems to be an intrinsic part of who I am – I don’t know why or how certain things, people or ideas resonate within me but I do know that I have the ability to develop, enhance and deepen my inspirational ‘portfolio’. Rather than a narrowing funnel, honing inspiration seems to have an opposite effect for me – it seems to organically grow and intensify as external experiences add to the internal core.

Trying to express how inspiration feels while I am writing is easy for me, as I’m experiencing it now. I am enjoying ‘playing with it’ along with physical sensations that are heightened and quickened. It feels exciting, pleasurable and something I want to share with others and be infectious about.

From the outside in, does inspiration look like it feels? I wonder if others need to share the same or similar inspiration ‘portfolios’ to recognise my inspiration? Or can my inspiration simply be overwhelmingly infectious? Maybe our internal inspiration barometers dial up or down based on our natural instincts, resulting in inspiration noticeability – if there is such a thing!

And does what I feel and recognise as inspiration in myself, look the same in others? If others don’t physically demonstrate the same inspiration features as me, perhaps I won’t recognise inspiration within them.  Or maybe I recognise others are inspired but it doesn’t turn-on my internal inspirational barometer in the same way – resulting in a lack of inspiration.

Each of us therefore uniquely inspired…

From a Christian perspective maybe it’s true to say we were all created and born with internal inspiration to know God and develop and enhance our relationship with the Father within each of us. Jesus was sent as inspiration to help us remember to keep God at the centre of our lives, He was inspiration incarnate.

Today we each have the ability to be inspired by God within and without and to be inspired by all that God has put at the heart of who we are, for ourselves and for others.

Inspirational stuff….???

 

...randomosity

Looking up as snowflakes fall

Air-dancing with my hands

Running into the sea

Creating patterns where none exist

Sucking a sherbet lolly

Rolling down a grassy bank

Stepping stones across a stream

Swishing toes through soft sand

Sleeping on a rooftop at night

Crunching ice

Standing under a waterfall

Falling backwards onto a haystack

Fingers touching through glass

Silence when no words are needed

...interpretation

…dreaming of the unexpected

…feelings of the unexpected

…experiences of the unexpected

…the unexpected of the unexpected

…God of the unexpected

...in the fog

Fog is one of those almost magical and mystical weather conditions, that brings a sense of other-worldliness with it.

A sense that almost anything could happen – films and novels with intrigue and suspense often include scenes with fog. For the voyeur or reader what is in front of them is unknown and more than that they may not see, hear, feel or discover ‘it’ until ‘it’ is right upon them. The fog is a veil, it conceals and it creates an ideal hiding place.

I was reminded of these feelings this week as we experienced fog for a few days in a row. As I drove what is usually a familiar and clear road ahead, in the fog needed more care. All that I usually take for granted seemed veiled in the unknown. At some points I could begin to make out what was in front of me but at others the whiteness even made me wonder whether I was actually travelling or not. A bizarre twist on the senses of movement and sound but without clear vision.

The fog stirred in me the struggle with discerning life’s ‘true’ course. How much is really concealed or how much is me not wanting to see?

It made me remember and reconsider advice that a friend had given to me and that I have been trying to reconcile with my understanding & beliefs. The thought that a unifying promise is a commitment, which would have begun with a catalyst – it may have begun with excitement but as time goes by the promise maybe maintained by will and habit. You may no longer like the promise or yourself for agreeing to it but the commitment remains.

In amongst the maelstrom of my metaphorical fog the question remains, ‘what if the promise made wasn’t what God wanted, that it wasn’t His call’?

My understanding is that Jesus perhaps only experienced happiness, joy, fulfilment and love because He listened and lived according to God’s call. So what is more important, an earthly promise that we might ask God to agree to and bless or listening to His call?

Often I feel like one of the disciples on the road to Emmaus and as you know by now, my road has fog too! It took the disciples time to see and hear Jesus in their midst. Yet He was there, walking amongst them for around 7 miles on a long dusty road and broke bread with them on their arrival at supper time too. It was then that their fog cleared.

Despite my inability to see and discern, I know God is in the fog on my road to Emmaus and I am seeking to discern Him in my ongoing struggle with answers to questions that I just don’t fully comprehend or maybe want to understand.

So, Promise vs. Call?

My prayer is to really see the Light, it might take more than 7 miles but Jesus is journeying with me and you too and our fog will clear.

 

...what are you missing

This thought occurred to me as I was cooking dinner tonight. I was recreating a recipe that isn’t enjoyed by everyone in my family and so a dish I only cook sporadically. As I was stirring the contents in the pan, I realised how luxurious the sauce looked, the smell reminded me of a rare ‘treat’ and all my senses wanted to enjoy and consume the creation.

It made me wonder how often we allow our senses to engage with life’s experiences and if not, how much of life we miss?

It made me consider what we each hold as entitlements in life – things we expect from life and God because we work hard, because we deserve it, because we sacrifice it… and in the ‘pursuit’ of these, what is it we miss?

So my ‘rare’ cookery creation would never be something on my ‘missing’ list but life goes by so quickly that maybe we should each have a missing list. Things that we are not willing to compromise on? They may not be ‘entitlements’ but a fulfiment of self, as promised by God. Is this even realistic?

How do we know what God wants for us individually? Well the Bible outlines God’s promises and requirements for each of us as His followers. But the reality is we are Human and fallible. How do we decipher which bits God is shouting at us about, where He leads us - with full visual glory, with an experience that smells like a treat, that we can almost feel….almost…unless we get it wrong.

It’s much the same as a negotiating workshop I took part in at work this week. We were asked to imagine what it would feel like if the outcome were not as we wanted? How would that help influence our part in the negotiation process? What were our Must Haves? What would be on our Wish List and what would we give as Concessions?

Our Must Have’s need to be the promises that God gives us throughout the Bible. The bible is inspired by God so therefore is true, that God has plans for us, that within Him is our rest, that He will supply all our needs that we are forgiven and we will be saved. Amen

So our Wish List maybe more about our individuality within God’s promises? Maybe the road remains the same but it is the journey that changes?

For example, we could each take the same car journey but each one would be unique. We would each have individual choices on what route to take, whether we choose to drive quickly or slowly. Would you want to observe the scenery and weather outside or would you be more interested in the internal surrounds and company in the car. What would you want on your life journey wish list?

And finally what would you be willing to make Concessions on?

What are you really willing to miss out on? Given just one life…

And are you sure your Concessions are those that God has too and have you even checked God’s Must Have List?

...express yourself

I started writing this blog yesterday. It began with a sudden prompting of the song by pop Queen & Icon Madonna, as is often my train of thought. I frequently zone in on a word or phrase – heard, sung or spoken. It often resonates too much for me to leave alone and sometimes needs a bit more clarity and inspiration from God.

Yesterday I was thinking too much and trying too hard on my own to craft something... it felt like hard work and I wasn’t happy with the way it felt – it really just wasn’t me…so I left it. And thank goodness, or my thanks and worship go to God, firstly for inspiring me but then interceding to tell me to ‘stop’.

Whilst reflective, my blogs are mainly just a form of expression for me – although I hope that sometimes others may randomly find what I have written and are also inspired, moved or provoked. Because that is what life is about – an exciting journey to behold each and every day. Where will it go? None of us truly understand – as the ripple effect of ourselves and our actions will almost certainly never be fully known.

So how we express ourselves could have quite a profound effect on another or others. It’s how others interpret much of who we are.

My inspiration around expression of self was reignited today as I briefed a colleague on how I wanted something to look but feel at the same time. When seeing, touching and feeling what I required would evoke a real sense of connection. Wow…exactly the same inspiration I had started with a day earlier but suddenly bang in focus for me, as I explained it to another, I realised what I had been trying to express before.

So maybe thinking about how we express ourselves through words – spoken or written is perhaps not the best starting place. We can be too pompous or clever and they require us to maybe use just two of our senses – visual and/or audible. And God doesn’t see us that way – so maybe we should find other ways to think about how we express ourselves and how others decipher all of who we are.

So maybe you will never want to share this thought process with others but if you had to choose an object expresses who you are? You may want to get into the granular descriptive detail, thinking about how that object looks, feels, sounds, smells and tastes. It’s quite a tall order, so you may not find one object that includes all the senses but a handful of items may really encompass who you really are – the true expression of yourself.

My prayer is that this would be some of the facets of self that many others already see and experience within us but using this method you might be able to find the nuances of self, that deeply express subtleties that others may easily miss in you. Or those that are hidden deeply within you but that you feel are truly at the heart and soul of who you are and that you would really like others to see and connect with.

I am really excited to give this idea more thought and to come up with a handful of objects that really define me, because perhaps this might be a little of the way God understands the uniqueness that is me or indeed you.

...a-Maze-d



...ssshhhh

In silence what do you do? What is your natural default position?

To feel oppression from the lack of noise closing in or a sigh of relief that sounds have stopped?

Most of the time we each have a natural default – the way that we are created but additionally our preferred space can also be dictated by mood.

My natural default to silence is to breathe it in, to absorb it and to be still within that space. It feels rare, unique and special and a sense that within the silence there is something to behold.

Beholding the silence, what do I mean?

Perhaps savouring the opportunity, to experience it deeply within our souls. Allowing the faint echo of that sound, to reverberate its way into our consciousness…thinking and feeling. So that being in the same ‘silent’ space as another is simply not experienced in the same way. So that our individual translations of what is within the silence and what it means to us, can be uniquely interpreted.

For me, silence comes with the natural desire to breathe deeply. Silence fills my mind and soul, while the nothingness of the air around me permeates my being. Calming my spirit and slowing my speeding mind.

So as our conscious spirit slows we have the time to let other thoughts and emotions breathe. We can live and experience that which is normally crushed out of our lives. The being and not the doing.

Silence without vision can be even more evocative. Isolating our senses individually and learning to experience the value each brings to our lives is something I have never done. The ability to experience life through sight, sound, touch, smell and taste is a true blessing but I wonder how frequently we have ever thought to isolate our senses and experience them singly and afresh.

As well as words silent or unspoken – prayer can also be expressed through any of our senses. In fact words are often not enough to truly express the deepest emotions of our hearts. What God knows and experiences in us, what He calls us to share with Him and yet what we often so feebly utter.

So in the absence of appropriate expression, silence is often the best I can do.

With an open heart God can commune with us in the space and vacuum that life normally consumes.

…ssshhhh

…what do you feel and how can you experience sensations anew today?

...be affirmed

We are each physically brought into this world alone and equally leave in the same manner but God understands that our life on earth should be lived in communion with others. God is a God of relationship – being made in His image, God like man requires connection with His creation and it’s important that we experience the same.

So, isn’t finding time and space to be truly alone somewhat of a paradox if we believe in God?

We can each be alone with God but never deserted – even if we have deserted God.

Often in our crowded lives and minds, the desire to be alone can be overwhelming – however on reading the quote below I began to wonder how much of who we are would exist in the silence of being alone?

“We don’t exist unless there is someone who can see us existing”

Is our existence for the sake of God and for others whom our lives interact with? To be created to be alone, what meaning would that have? What sense of existence would we each have? And why exist at all?

The word "existence" comes from the Latin word existere meaning "to appear", if we were only to appear to ourselves how, what or who could affirm that for us?

Our existence and identity is affirmed by others around us. So, I wonder how much our individual existence is a reflection of our social environment (others seeing our existence) vs. the natural and unique character God created us to be.

Existing as a part of others lives can sometimes feel frustrating, limiting, suffocating – as an employee within an organisation or maybe as a family member. So much of our existence is shaped by those around us, reflecting how others want us to appear or to be.

Existing outside of these conventions would require real confidence or maybe a real lack of wisdom to exist just as we wanted, come what may. Perhaps that is how the itinerant and dispossessed feel. A lack of existence – not seen or heard and outside of social convention.

For some inner energy comes from people being around them and others maybe need to spend time alone. In either scenario we can be sure that we are never truly alone or created to be - as we exist for and with God, our creator.

So use your existence today to encourage and share yourself and all that you have been created to be with those God has placed in your life – as Paul’s in Acts 20: 31, 36-38. You can only gather others around you by giving yourself away to them.

 

...Mon âme

Mon âme a son secret, ma vie a son mystère;
Un amour éternel en un moment conçu;
Le mal est sans espoir, aussi j’ai dû le taire,
Et celle qui l’a fait n’en a jamais rien su.

...the eyes have it

"The eye speaks with an eloquence and truthfulness surpassing speech. It is the window out of which the winged thoughts often fly unwittingly. It is the tiny magic mirror on whose crystal surface the moods of feeling fitfully play, like the sunlight and shadow on a still stream."

...outside of the lines

It’s an intriguiging thought to me – colouring between the lines, building a sandcastle with a bucket and following school rules vs. freeform.

What is it about rules that are more sensible? Is it because more people are convinced to follow them?  And if so, why?

One of my earliest memories at school was a scribble challenge with my best friend. We both had a school book to read and we dared each other to desecrate the other book with a pencil. Why? Because we shouldn’t, because the following actions were unknown, new and fresh.

My best friend was a boy …not sure what that says…if anything.

So what do lines in life say to you?

Are you the type who waits behind the red traffic light line…or who creeps forward as the light turns to amber? Or at school sports day, would you be the runner edging to get away at the starting gun or perhaps looking over at your classmates desk to cheat at the weekly spelling test?

So what is in or outside of the lines for you?

How does it feel when you are told to colour in the lines, do you like the instructions and control? If you accomplish the rules do you feel a sense of pride? Or do the lines make you feel constricted and restrained?

How does life feel for you?

Biblically we are set quite firm guidelines, no matter how much we cross reference, the basics remain unchanged. So does God give us room to colour outside of the lines?

We are all given the opportunity to repent – so the answer is Yes. What about if we know the lines and yet we still stray? Well, we have the opportunity to truly repent until our final breath, except we don’t know when that will be. But what if our stray into unknown ‘territory’ is God’s plan to get us back on track? How do we truly know or discern God’s will?

Peace is the answer.

We each need to seek and hear God within the lines and patterns we create in our lives. Often these boundaries can be created out of a sense of duty or normality. Following the pattern and lines of the lives that go before us or the friends that create their lives around us.

The clock ticks…

The patterns persist…

Your lines, God’s lines are unique…follow them and be brave enough to step out of the black and white.

They may take a lifetime to understand but if you listen and follow, they will make you truly happy.

...patterns

Patterns are part of our lives whether we feel the desire to rebel or not.

Our world has been created with a season or pattern for most things. Night follows day, winter follows summer and our lives have a pattern from birth to death. However, we each have the ability to influence the patterns and details of our lives don’t we? But what if we believe that God has a pattern and plan for our life created from the very beginning?

Patterns, shapes, forms are a part of me – how I see and interact with the world. I never simply see what is in the foreground but also see what is around and behind that. What animate shapes can I see within inanimate objects and what shapes and patterns does the space around a form create. Seeing the background is often as important to me as the main feature, the subtle, the hidden, the mistakes…

And I think this is how I feel about life too…

A pattern or blueprint is all well and good – God had a blueprint for creating mankind but I wonder how much our individual uniqueness is our own deviance from God’s pattern or whether our wondering from the pattern is also part of God’s plan?

To me patterns, blueprints and plans initially seem dull…

My immediate reaction to following a pattern is a sense that I am creating something that is not unique or individually crafted into being. The roughly hewn clay pot that contains the fingerprints of the creator that you can see and touch, feels more real than the fine china pottery that is meticulously and precisely produced to a set pattern.

Discarding the ‘less than pattern-perfect’ even extends to the deselection of fruit and vegetables that don’t conform to the supermarkets rigid patterns of accepting standards.

God may well have created patterns within our lives and our world but the free will we are each given enables us to have the freedom to explore and be creative. Perhaps to explore and become the best example of our own blueprint.

Biblically we know that Jesus was certainly not the blueprint King that God’s people expected. And whilst we know that Jesus spent time in prayer, I wonder how prescriptive God’s pattern for Jesus’ life was? Surely to experience life in all its human frailty, Jesus also needed to create, see and recognise his own life patterns?

So maybe a pattern can be a good starting point but by finding the time to explore what is not in front of our eyes, to look for a pattern where none should exist or in looking beyond the foreground, an all together different pattern might emerge.

Learn to appreciate the less than perfect patterns and in creating the You that God desires, don’t be scared to occasionally draw outside of the lines.

...siren all at sea

...to question

Do you love?

Do you need love?

...an impression or an imprint?

I love words and what they convey, or not. I love how words have a common meaning that enable us to vaguely understand each other. I guess if I didn’t love words, I wouldn’t be writing a blog and I wouldn’t be trying to express my thoughts and feelings in this way.

However I’ve been interested by what impression or imprint my words leave on myself and those who may come across this blog, because impressions and imprints are important. Sometimes in life we don’t know how we affect others and perhaps others themselves don’t truly know or understand that either. But to know our impression or imprint how cool would that feel?

So to start, I wondered about the difference between an impression and an imprint? And if I could or had to choose, which of these would I or maybe you, like your life to be?

For me an impression is fleeting, an essence that is captured in a specific moment, that may never be the same again. It’s something that is created to be interpreted just at that time – as with Impressionism. Art that captured light in a landscape at just that moment, creating a sense and feeling that could make the viewer feel that scene would never entirely be seen in the same way ever again. Unique?

There are times in life when we may be told or tell ourselves to “make a good (first) impression” – perhaps as we go for a job interview, or meet some-one new. For me this feels like creating something, back to the 19^th century paintings. Portraying or revealing an image of you that may never be quite the same again, something that cannot be replicated.

So maybe my words may have done that for you…had a fleeting impression…

On the other hand making an imprint is that more significant?

An imprint sounds more determined, something that is undertaken with more conviction. Something that intends to be lasting. To print is to make an indelible mark; I’m back to artistic analogies again without even meaning to be. So is an imprint the indelible mark that we make and leave? It sounds incredible that we each can have the ability to leave an imprint – I don’t think I want to leave something physically indelible like an invention but to imprint another’s life in some way, now that feels unique.

In terms of my faith, I’m pretty sure that if Jesus had a mandate as the son of God, it wouldn’t have included making an impression – let alone a good impression. Jesus is not fleeting and what He portrays has been and is the same now as it was 2000 years ago. Jesus’ imprint however remains indelible across the centuries and certainly in my life.

My imprint is of course less significant, however I do want to thank those who have encouraged me as they have made a real imprint on my life knowingly or unknowingly and maybe on the lives of others if they ever find and read this blog.

If not, it’s my space and my imprint…