...love actually

Today I was overwhelmed with a consuming sense of Love – God was clearly calling this out for me to explore. Hmmm, so on a one page blog I wonder where I can get and as I start writing I’m aware of my potentially limited experience.

I’m pretty sure that the topic which is most prevalent in song writing is Love, it has been written in every style, in every generation and probably from every possible angle.

The first commandment from God is about Love…

Mark 12:30

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'

No coincidence then that Love is something that occupies so much of our lives. The bible affirms over and over again the theme of love and how God the Father loves each and every one of us alike. Love comes in many forms: compassionate, caring and physical between two partners. God experiences love in and with us – perhaps except the love experienced between two partners. Unless God transcends gender and is able to experience that which seems to be uniquely between man and woman.

God sent His only son to earth to be born in human form and experience that which is human, except joining with a woman in physical love. I wonder if that is why as we begin to experience love as teenagers we struggle with limited guidelines on how this should look and feel?

Contentious…I know.

God created us in love and desires that we fully give and receive of the same.  Unconditionally giving love to another requires true vulnerability and ‘submission’. It requires trust and the true wish to put another’s desires and happiness before your own.

I wonder how many people can truly say they experience love in this way. Not just that which is compassionate, caring, emotional, nurturing, parental or only of passion & lust.

As God spoke Love into my heart today I felt an insane sense of excitement, that I can and will experience a shared and consuming sense of love in my life.

I believe that the other components of love and friendship are important but I don’t think consuming love is unrealistic, especially as God has given and commanded that we each have the opportunity to have Love… Actually!

...a childlike mission possible

As it’s Christmas, I have been wondering a lot about life as seen through a child’s eyes and what this looks like, how we all have it and yet lose it.

We are told throughout the bible that we are born sinful and yet as a new born child we are the most innocent and perfect we will ever be in God’s eyes. Many of the verses in the bible that talk about children, talk about acceptance and simplicity – a sense that as we get older we confuse, complicate and blur that which God wants of us and wants us to be.

Matthew 18: 1-5

"Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set him in the midst of them, and said, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore whoever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me."

Children often accept others as they are – no matter how different they maybe from themselves. Children express themselves openly – emotionally, physically and verbally. Tears, tantrums and giggles. Fighting, running, nurturing and learning /experiencing the effect of words.

So does God expect us to accept, see and experience life as children do? As children we experience life short term. Children live for the day, telling a child to wait for a treat/holiday that is months away is beyond comprehension. Our lives are in God’s hands, nothing is assured even though as adults we have the ongoing desire to plan. Adults often talk about living for the moment and perhaps we have fleeting desires to do so but how often does that feeling last for?

Children are optimistic, open and expectant – nothing is impossible. However, as we impart, receive and share the all important knowledge from child to adulthood our doors actually close in an ever increasing tunnel. We shut down to experiences, we shut down to expectation and we lose the excitement of life that God implanted into each of us. As parents we spend time trying to ensure we ‘teach’ our children more…

More knowledge, more about life around us and more about relationships with each other. So what is in more, that is better? Certainly the more choices I have, the more options in life, the more confused I can become. The more there is to discern and the chances of making the wrong decision increase.

I wonder if our desire to know more comes from the initial sin for knowledge in the Garden of Eden. That we could have and know it all. So as parents, is our desire for our children to know more and have more sinful? 

In general, the life expectations and lifelines we each desire are man-made not God made. If we trust and believe in God, anything is possible – we simply need to see and experience life as a child.  

...your true colours

...great expectations

I was reminded by a feature on the news this morning about the impact and effect nostalgia has upon us, when the TV production team cut back from a shot of music from the 1970’s & 80’s only to catch the middle aged presenters dancing on camera.

It made me wonder about my own momentous and iconic memories and what it is in these that make me remember these as my favourite times or perhaps my favourite age.

1.     I’m 14 or 15 and I have found and am comfortable with my unique identity. I no longer feel like a child, I am able to formulate my own opinions, I realise my own attractiveness and am exploring what I find attractive in a partner. I know what I like and what I don’t, I finally feel I have acquired almost all the basic knowledge needed for life and by now I even know stuff my parents don’t!

So what was it about this time in my life that I look back on so fondly, almost aspirationally? It felt like I was on the edge of a precipice, the future was entirely in my hands – or so it felt. The future opportunities and expectations were exciting beyond all measure. I could do, be and achieve all my dreams; all options were open to me, with no limits and no no’s!

2.     I’m 30 and have given birth to my second healthy & happy child; my world is complete in a perfect family bubble. It meets all external expectations of normality & ‘happiness’.

So why by this stage were cracks already beginning to appear? I would and will always say that my children are the most important and defining part of me. My life has been, is and will always be them. They are the most amazing ‘thing’ I have ever done. So clearly this should be one of my most favourite times, shouldn’t it? Even admitting it isn’t feels wrong.

Is it because my initial dreams were too big or unrealistic? Or maybe it’s simply that the choices I made meant that my great expectations were starting to feel out of reach and I was in a precipice of my own making.

3.     I’m in the third stage of life and what is yet to come, I pray. I feel it must be in a shared environment with a person who brings the best out in me. Once again it feels free, full of expectation, joy and mellow warmth.

So how do I get here, when to some extent I am still in a self created precipice?

There is something about needing to take the opportunity to lift and remove any of the barriers that are limiting me, helping this to yet be a momentous era.  Because I can make this what I want, it still can be exciting beyond all measure.

Whilst this blog feels quite melancholy, it’s actually a celebration of knowing who I am, what I like, what is off track and where my signposts are for the future.

Which leaves me feeling that there are no dreams or expectations that are too great?

So, what were your great expectations? Because if you haven’t reminisced lately on where you started, how can you ever expect to arrive?

… will fix it for you

Over the last couple of weeks there have been family and friends that our prayers would certainly have been asking to ‘fix, repair, solve…’

My mother-in-law was admitted quickly via A&E this week because of water on the heart and lungs….my Father suffered dizzy spells hopefully just because of an inner ear infection and a good friends father has also suffered a stroke that has debilitated his speech sand movement. Prayers were quickly submitted that the wisdom of those that could fix and repair the problem did so and that those that we hold dear know the peace that transcends panic.

So today started with an amazing friend praying on my behalf, for a fix of a kind. It made me wonder when we ask for things to be repaired what our expectations are.

Do we hope that the situation will return to the same as before? Or that the outcome will be improved from before? Either way what is that the best option?

Our human nature of course wants a lack of change, for things to be as they were before – if nothing else, to give us time to reassess and change what needs changing. But do we? Isn’t it the unexpected that makes us reassess quickly what is out of character from the normal?

So is a quick fix or repair the best we should ask for? Within a changing situation does God not give us the chance to evaluate? Ask for forgiveness? Seek His voice and wisdom and do we always take that path?

Generally I think we simply want things to return to the status quo, as it was before. However, often the ‘as they were before’ can be man-made rather than God-made. When will we seek and listen?

So I’m sure my friend who advised ‘fixing’ meant well, in fact it was an was urge to seek God for the right decision. And seeking God is of course the right path.

Biblically there are many instances where individuals call out to God to fix, repair and answer the prayer that they are seeking.

The story of Lazarus is one where Jesus is sought to bring life back to the dead, with Sarah and Abraham God is trusted to eventually deliver a child to elderly parents and there are many more instances of miracles to repair and fix sight, mobility, convulsions, mistakes and so on…

But for Lazarus, Jesus did it in His own time, no rushing with blue lights flashing because if it is within God’s plan it WILL happen. Prayers will be answered even if they are whispered deeply and silently within our soul.

So we should pray for repair within God’s wisdom and timetable. Perhaps what we should also pray for is how God can use us to support others where change needs to happen and where wisdom needs to be sought.

...wHoleness

It’s easy to think of our lives as compartmentalised.

We are children, friends, parents, colleagues, lovers, partners…and some of these compartments link together and others feel quite separate. Visualising and getting in touch with this thought came about with a vision of an Orange. Bizarrely appropriate at this time of year when I have a Christingle, where the orange symbolises the physical wholeness of the world.

So wholeness or maybe even holeness is something I have been thinking about.

The uniqueness of citrus fruits is within their segments. Beneath the skin is a whole constructed of many segments, never do you peel an orange, lemon, lime, grapefruit to find that one segment is missing. Never is there a hole in the whole. Some segments are bigger or smaller than others but there is never a gap. The fruit simply couldn’t or wouldn’t grow without being complete.

The same is true of us. Our wholeness is key if we are to fully grow.

Whilst it is OK that some segments of our lives are more important than others and that some join together whilst others are remote from each other, I don’t think God ever wants us to have a gap in our wholeness. Perhaps there is one area of our lives that we have simply shut down to, where there is a hole that we are not growing within.

I know this is true for me.

Our spirit, soul and body are constantly interacting together, as a whole, as a complete person.  That’s the way God designed us.

In the bible, Paul refers to man being spirit, soul and body.  We are not beings of separate and distinctively different components, but a whole person.  We are a spirit who has a soul that lives in a body.  All of these aspects are inextricably interwoven. To be whole, to be complete, each aspect of a person must be tended to & growing.

It’s impossible to achieve growth and wholeness in our own strength and abilities. Transformation that brings a sense of wholeness can only be done by listening to the one who created us – God himself.

My growth and wholeness is being suspended while I don’t tend to my missing segment. God has spoken into my hole and shown me that I shouldn’t close or ignore the gap and I’m listening .

...it's possible

When I think of the times God has ‘spoken’ to me it has never been through hearing a voice I assign to God. Most often God’s voice comes through images or the writing/voice of others.

I still pray that God might reveal himself through a ‘physical’ image I see or hear but I wonder whether it would absolutely freak me completely, or whether I would simply be the same as 'doubting' Thomas. Would seeing or hearing satisfy me?

As I was praying last night I had a strong visual image of a cornfield. I was stood on the outside and the tall corn felt like a barrier, an almost impossible barrier – but something I needed to enter and be a part of, although I had no sense of what would be found within. Simply a sense that I needed to be within, to make it possible and experience ‘it’.

It reminded me of the film ‘The Field of Dreams’, where an unreasonable and irrational petition is received by the lead character. So how or why would you follow a request that seems impossible? ‘Build it and they will come’ was the commission given to Kevin Costner to remove a cornfield and replace it with a baseball field. Removing a viable money generating enterprise and replacing it with a fun dream.

Hmmmm….

Not a million times different from the commission God gave to Noah or the other many ‘crazy’ commissions that appear in the Bible as God ‘challenges’ man to hear, listen and obey. David and Goliath being one of the many Old Testament stories where the challenge seems impossible – only with God’s power can anything like a youth vs. a giant find a positive outcome.

It’s because God is of the possible, not the maybe or impossible.

So even when a situation looks impossible, it’s our lack of faith that is the challenge. God is steadfast, it’s ‘easy’ - Believe, Hear & Act.  But often the right answer doesn’t even look feasible or possible simply because of our lack of trust, vision or belief in the possible.

How sad…

Especially as the bible is full of miracles and real life stories.

So back to my cornfield – I’m on the outside but it’s not a solid wall. In fact my vision felt intriguing, exciting, God was calling me into ‘the impossible’  it simply needs me to see the opening and be engulfed by my God of the possible who will lead me…

What ‘Field of Dreams’ do you have and what do you think is impossible and is keeping you on the outside of what God wants for you?

...power of love

I’m feeling…."The Power Of Love"

I'll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door

Feels like fire
I'm so in love with you
Dreams are like angels
They keep bad at bay-bad at bay
Love is the light
Scaring darkness away-yeah

I'm so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

[1]-The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
Flame on burn desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

I'll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door
When the chips are down I'll be around
With my undying, death-defying
Love for you

Envy will hurt itself
Let yourself be beautiful
Sparkling love, flowers
And pearls and pretty girls
Love is like an energy
Rushin' rushin' inside of me

[Repeat 1]

This time we go sublime
Lovers entwine-divine divine
Love is danger, love is pleasure
Love is pure-the only treasure

I'm so in love with you
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

The power of love
A force from above
Cleaning my soul
The power of love
A force from above
A sky-scraping dove

Flame on burn desire
Love with tongues of fire
Purge the soul
Make love your goal

I'll protect you from the hooded claw
Keep the vampires from your door

...comfortable?

“Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin”

…is a phrase that is familiar to many of us from childhood. It signalled the beginning of a children’s story-time radio programme, where the inference is for the child to sit quietly, focus the mind and hear/listen & absorb the story being told.

The unspoken rules being that if you were not sitting awaiting the narration, the story would not be told.  Maybe worse, that the story would be paused if the ‘rules’ were broken. 

For me, I clearly remember meeting the ‘required’ conditions as a child – either listening to Enid Blyton tales read by my Dad or perhaps the Teacher reading as I sat cross legged at primary school. I loved and still love listening to stories being narrated. I can sit comfortably and immerse myself into the fantasy world I hear and visualise the story in my mind.

But what if I was sat uncomfortably? Would I be distracted and not hear the story or would I need to increase my determination & desire to hear?

Perhaps for me today’s equivalent is having a stand up meeting? I know the information is important, that I am required to listen and so being uncomfortable makes me concentrate, focus and hear.

So, I wonder how uncomfortable I am willing to be to hear God?

Much of the Bible makes for uncomfortable, paradoxical reading, so I need to desire to hear what it says to me. Alongside hearing that God loves me, the Bible also confronts me with the fact that I am a sinner and do not and almost certainly will not live up to the desires He has for me – well not in this life.

But it’s this uncomfortable-ness that I need, to give me the desire to focus and hear what God has to say and wants for my life.

This completely contradicts what society says is good for us. Being comfortable in terms of wealth and relationships is what we all aspire to…isn’t it? However within this it becomes easy to lose focus on God.

Even when we know something is wrong or needs changing in our life, our relative comfortable-ness can be difficult to address. How often do we choose to step out of our comfort zones, in any aspect life? And what happens when we are faced with God asking us to make a change and to step out of our boundaries? Do we listen or would we prefer to simply remain comfortable?

Next time I read the bible or pray I am going to get uncomfortable either in my physical environment or by visualising the same. It will be interesting to see whether this state enables me to focus much in the same way as fasting can do.

So if you’re sitting comfortably… maybe God won’t begin and your life story will remain on pause :;