...1-2-1

...visual emotion

...lost?

Being lost…exciting or scary? Intended or random?

I guess no one situation is the same but the feelings, coping mechanisms and outcomes are often all possible from the one scenario. Right? Or maybe a multitude of scenarios are possible, each dependant on individual reactions and the domino effect therein.

This occurred to me at the weekend when I was walking with a friend. We had a map…should we follow it? And to what extent? If we used the map some of the time and surroundings/instinct for the rest, how different would that feel? And if we completely abandoned written information and completely went with our instincts would we feel more lost or not?

All of the above comes down to being in control. To knowing, understanding and meeting expectation. So having a map, following a route and arriving on time is not perhaps the most inventive or exploratory way of doing things. Following a plan meets an intended resolution but what is learnt along the way?

For us, on our walk..we realised early on that our map reading skills were rusty. But despite this we were able to use other skills taught and observed. We mostly followed the intended route; we occasionally wandered and overall arrived back as anticipated.

But life isn’t always to that pattern and frequently getting lost is just what we want.

I remember as a child, trying to get lost from my mother in a major supermarket. Why is that? Perhaps the sense of separation, that we are each unique individuals. Each capable of asserting ourselves, no matter what age. Having lost my Mother what would I have done? I’m sure I would have enjoyed the brief moment to just be me.  To see what was important to me in that context and to feel the freedom be it short lived and remorseful for the parental anxiety I would have caused.

So trying to get lost and be lost is not always as easy as it sounds.

What is it about being lost that feels liberating? For me it includes the sense of adventure, of misdemeanour and fear of the unknown. Each requires a response from me, it requires me to be alert and to react…I feel alive. And sometimes I want to lose myself in that experience. I want to be alone, to feel isolated to learn afresh how I can cope. Visually I can see this so much better than I am describing and maybe you can too. I can feel my aloneness, I can see where I am and my physiology is real.

There are many biblical examples of individuals being lost and whilst each is individual, each of course relies on the living God. Maybe to deliver and answer through a vision – Joseph and his dreams or maybe Moses and the burning bush to name just two or to prompt us each to depend solely on prayer. As Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane or on the Cross calling to the Father.

When we are truly lost we have to rely on what is outside of ourselves, what can only be answered through prayer, discernment and trust.

Let us not judge what that might be; for we can only gain what is truly ours by losing our earthly expectations and inhibitions.

...de-wishing

...'inspirationalism'

What is inspiration? Where does it come from? How does it feel? What does it look like? And is there any uniformity in it at all and if not how do we each recognise it in ourselves and also in others?

I’m inspired by the thought of inspiration…

Inspiration is definitely about interest but it is so much more than that. Inspiration inherently contains a whole array of other sensations and maybe even desires. So where does it start? Does the initial engagement begin as a result of an external influence or impact and is it this that leads to an internal and personal reaction? The initial impact has to be experiential, something we have learnt or experienced, doesn’t it? Or are we each born with individual inspiration barometers?  Natural and innate interest, desire, fascination and excitement preferences?

So internal or external? Bestowed and God given or societal and learnt? Or maybe it’s a combination of both? For me, inspiration seems to be an intrinsic part of who I am – I don’t know why or how certain things, people or ideas resonate within me but I do know that I have the ability to develop, enhance and deepen my inspirational ‘portfolio’. Rather than a narrowing funnel, honing inspiration seems to have an opposite effect for me – it seems to organically grow and intensify as external experiences add to the internal core.

Trying to express how inspiration feels while I am writing is easy for me, as I’m experiencing it now. I am enjoying ‘playing with it’ along with physical sensations that are heightened and quickened. It feels exciting, pleasurable and something I want to share with others and be infectious about.

From the outside in, does inspiration look like it feels? I wonder if others need to share the same or similar inspiration ‘portfolios’ to recognise my inspiration? Or can my inspiration simply be overwhelmingly infectious? Maybe our internal inspiration barometers dial up or down based on our natural instincts, resulting in inspiration noticeability – if there is such a thing!

And does what I feel and recognise as inspiration in myself, look the same in others? If others don’t physically demonstrate the same inspiration features as me, perhaps I won’t recognise inspiration within them.  Or maybe I recognise others are inspired but it doesn’t turn-on my internal inspirational barometer in the same way – resulting in a lack of inspiration.

Each of us therefore uniquely inspired…

From a Christian perspective maybe it’s true to say we were all created and born with internal inspiration to know God and develop and enhance our relationship with the Father within each of us. Jesus was sent as inspiration to help us remember to keep God at the centre of our lives, He was inspiration incarnate.

Today we each have the ability to be inspired by God within and without and to be inspired by all that God has put at the heart of who we are, for ourselves and for others.

Inspirational stuff….???

 

...randomosity

Looking up as snowflakes fall

Air-dancing with my hands

Running into the sea

Creating patterns where none exist

Sucking a sherbet lolly

Rolling down a grassy bank

Stepping stones across a stream

Swishing toes through soft sand

Sleeping on a rooftop at night

Crunching ice

Standing under a waterfall

Falling backwards onto a haystack

Fingers touching through glass

Silence when no words are needed

...interpretation

…dreaming of the unexpected

…feelings of the unexpected

…experiences of the unexpected

…the unexpected of the unexpected

…God of the unexpected

...in the fog

Fog is one of those almost magical and mystical weather conditions, that brings a sense of other-worldliness with it.

A sense that almost anything could happen – films and novels with intrigue and suspense often include scenes with fog. For the voyeur or reader what is in front of them is unknown and more than that they may not see, hear, feel or discover ‘it’ until ‘it’ is right upon them. The fog is a veil, it conceals and it creates an ideal hiding place.

I was reminded of these feelings this week as we experienced fog for a few days in a row. As I drove what is usually a familiar and clear road ahead, in the fog needed more care. All that I usually take for granted seemed veiled in the unknown. At some points I could begin to make out what was in front of me but at others the whiteness even made me wonder whether I was actually travelling or not. A bizarre twist on the senses of movement and sound but without clear vision.

The fog stirred in me the struggle with discerning life’s ‘true’ course. How much is really concealed or how much is me not wanting to see?

It made me remember and reconsider advice that a friend had given to me and that I have been trying to reconcile with my understanding & beliefs. The thought that a unifying promise is a commitment, which would have begun with a catalyst – it may have begun with excitement but as time goes by the promise maybe maintained by will and habit. You may no longer like the promise or yourself for agreeing to it but the commitment remains.

In amongst the maelstrom of my metaphorical fog the question remains, ‘what if the promise made wasn’t what God wanted, that it wasn’t His call’?

My understanding is that Jesus perhaps only experienced happiness, joy, fulfilment and love because He listened and lived according to God’s call. So what is more important, an earthly promise that we might ask God to agree to and bless or listening to His call?

Often I feel like one of the disciples on the road to Emmaus and as you know by now, my road has fog too! It took the disciples time to see and hear Jesus in their midst. Yet He was there, walking amongst them for around 7 miles on a long dusty road and broke bread with them on their arrival at supper time too. It was then that their fog cleared.

Despite my inability to see and discern, I know God is in the fog on my road to Emmaus and I am seeking to discern Him in my ongoing struggle with answers to questions that I just don’t fully comprehend or maybe want to understand.

So, Promise vs. Call?

My prayer is to really see the Light, it might take more than 7 miles but Jesus is journeying with me and you too and our fog will clear.